I'm finally here, actually I've been here for about three days already. Before we left Grande Prairie we'd been dealing with some stressful things. Really sick dog, report cards, parent teacher interviews, sick dog, etc.
I really haven't been accountable to myself. I'm not sure what's up. I started taking vitamin D because I've just been gloomy lately. I'm soooooo tired of winter. It can go away and never come back for all I care.
Of course the whole packing of shorts and t-shirts was a nightmare. Bathing suit included in the list. Do the shorts still fit? What the hell do I look like? Etc. All of the thoughts were running through my head and let me tell you they were not positive thoughts to say the least. It's a good thing the Lululemon shorts are stretchy because I've been living in them since I got here.
We went for a walk yesterday. It was absolutely beautiful here. I actually went to the pool and sat for awhile. Nobody was there except some old men and a lady who was about my size. Let's call her Anne, I've seen her before at functions at the pool or with other people around the complex. She's always so nicely dressed, especially for a bigger lady. There are often times I look at her and go she's beautiful. The clothes she buys, bathing suits, pants, suits, etc. Why can't I find clothes like that. Well for one reason GP doesn't sell anything like that. You can't find nice clothing for big women in Grande Prairie. It's impossible. Don't get me wrong you've got your typical tent t-shirt and elastic polyester pants but nothing stylish. There are not a lot of stylish woman in GP who are bigger.
Maybe I could be a tend setter???? I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here other than I've realized I don't take care of myself and then I beat myself up over it, I eat more, beat myself up, don't take care of myself, etc. It's a terrible cycle. I looked at a lot of the clothes at the store and thought that's really cute or I would like it but when it comes down to it I don't want to draw attention to myself so I fade away into the back ground but ends up happening is I draw negative attention to myself because I look so plain and dowdy.
I need a Stacy and Clinton makeover.
Heading out for a walk.
I have to comment on this April - it's so weird isn't it, that how one sees themselves could be so different from how others see them. Does that make sense? When I see you I think "I wish I could get clothes to look as good on me as they do on April" - regardless of your weight ups and downs you always look GREAT - obviously how you feel and your health are paramount but you talk about the other lady looking so well in her clothes, I see that as being you! Especially with your accessories - seriously, you buy stuff at Reitmans and it looks like a million bucks! I've always thought this but after seeing this blog I had to tell you :)
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